How a selfish husband turns into a bomb that threatens the stability of the family
If participation is the most important rule and necessity for building a family, a broad question is asked, and it speaks about where a selfish person can lead a marriage relationship?
A selfish person is one who always gives priority to himself at the expense of others, and therefore with his selfishness threatens the foundations of the marital relationship, endangers its pillars and cancels the complementary participative character, which is based on giving and taking the same amount, not always taking in one direction.
Wives often suffered from the selfishness of their husbands, a selfishness that often led to the destruction of the marital relationship or threatened its stability and turned it into something like endless suffering.
It is known for an egoist that he is not ready to make any concessions, and that above all he thinks of himself and forever, and there are many signs that point to him, for example, rejecting responsibility for any mistake or problem, and often practices emotional blackmail towards the other party , focusing on imposing his control and satisfying his needs, given that he is the center of the universe, rejects even positive criticism, and rejects advice and considers personal attacks on him, and considers himself necessary for the needs of others regardless of their status in in relation to him, so he does not pay attention to their opinion and considers that he is the most accurate in judgment and the right thing The most comprehensive in vision and the deepest in understanding.
I erred on the side of patience
“My mistake since marriage was patience and silence, but the years went by and things got worse.” This is what Safia al-Raqi says, who separated from her husband a few months ago because of his selfishness.
Al-Raqi says: “I married in a traditional marriage… My husband is the youngest of his brothers, and he is the only male among three daughters, so his mother spoiled him until she instilled in him selfishness without feeling or intention, just because he was born after three daughters.”
She adds: “My husband is used to self-love and it has worn me out a lot since the first months of our marriage. He does not care about my affairs or my needs, but only thinks about his needs, his clothes, his going out with friends and other things. “
And she continues: “I constantly tried to deal with this issue in the hope that my life would change or that he would feel his responsibility towards me. At the same time, my husband’s demands increased, until they reached the point of indecency in his requirements and limits of emotional dryness in our relationship.
And Al-Raqi revealed: “I don’t forget that day when he went on vacation with his friends and left me and my son, who was very tired, so I called his father, so his reaction was limited to confirming that with his friends, asking me to act, so I had to call the neighbors and I went with their son to the hospital, while my husband stayed behind.” During his vacation with his friends, and upon his return, I could not control myself and the dialogue between us became heated until I asked for a separation.
And he regretfully continues: “A selfish husband does not know about the division of responsibility, and only looks for the reasons for his happiness, and does not take advice. Since he is with his family, he is used to everything being his, and the woman in his life, according to his belief, he’s just a maid who works for free. That’s what he was brought up and brought up, and the hardest.” When I spoke with his mother, she did not solve the problem. On the contrary, she saw that it was one of his rights.
And she concluded: “I think that the wife of a selfish man needs compensation as much as she needs psychological treatment, because she really needs a psychiatrist to treat her for the pressures she has endured, or at least she needs a husband to commit to going to a psychiatrist to change his behavior.”
My daughter was denied a test
She could not share x. Speaking about her husband, whom she described as “selfish”, because she feels pain, but finally overcomes herself, she recalls some situations with him and says: “I separated from him and reluctantly returned to him because of financial the state of my family. , as well as the lack of a reliable source of livelihood.”
She recalls: “A few days ago, my daughter’s primary school test was online and she had to enter the platform, but the father took the internet with him and went with his friends, and my daughter could not take the test that day, which is why I felt pain and sadness.. Thank God the test was monthly. And the teacher allowed my daughter to test the next day.”
And she continues: “A selfish man is the result of the indulgence of his mother and father towards him and the result of their glorification of him in his upbringing.”
Maha A., a mother of three children, expressed her fear that her children will take on the characteristics of their father, especially since they consider him a role model, and he reinforces the wrong meaning of masculinity in them, because he claims that he is a man, is dominant and other things that raise children’s self-esteem and selfishness, and drive them away from themselves. About taking responsibility, giving and loving others, not yourself.
She says, “Living in the shadow of a selfish man is very tiring and that’s what made me go to psychiatry and behavioral medicine consultants more than once to deal with my husband. I don’t want a divorce and I don’t want to disturb my children.”
And he continues: “During the first years of marriage, my life was very difficult, and after I gave birth to my first child, I decided to change my life through what I read about books about selfish husbands, and I decided to go and expose my the case to a family counselor, which contributed to my husband changing a little and adapting a number of his behaviors.” It is true that he has not changed radically, but I managed to change some of his behaviors that help me and my children to live a peaceful and beautiful life in which they bear responsibility.
And he continues: “Some men grow up on self-love, that he is the master of the situation and that his role in life is only to enjoy and live for himself and for himself, and he can see that his responsibility in the home is only in material consumption, while he puts all the burden of life on his wife who does not feel that she has importance in his life, especially if she has a sufficient source of income for herself and children.
Psychologist Najla Al-Braithen points out that the wrong social upbringing ultimately leads to a selfish husband characterized by a love of possession and control, with a refusal to give. The responsibility of the wife, and that selfishness becomes the basis for most marital problems, which often end in separation or the continuation of married life under the burden of permanent problems that lead to the instability of the wife and children and in general.
And he promotes “from a young age the cultivation of love for giving, sharing, serving others and bearing responsibility as one of the most important pillars that influence the future of every human being. We should not underestimate the planting of seeds, even if they are small, in childhood, because they build the future of the whole family.”
Many experts focus on giving advice that they consider important to a woman who lives with a selfish husband, that she should not always blame him, because they think this is counterproductive, and prefer that she deal with his condition intelligently by directing better actions instead of blaming.
They also advise a woman to tell her selfish husband that this trait of his makes her sad, and that she still loves him and wants to get rid of this trait that makes him unpopular with people.
They believe that drawing his attention to things that are far from selfish can be fruitful in improving their lives.
Patterns of a selfish husband
It feels unique and special and revolves around itself
He does not believe that anyone deserves attention and appreciation
He cares a lot about his appearance and image.
He is preoccupied with his success, ambition and achievements
He sees only that which gives him distinction and superiority
He feels highly praised and appreciated for his uniqueness and excellence.
He may be the only or the last boy that his mother and sisters served.
He grew up in a patriarchal society that places the value of men at the expense of women.
It prevents others from expressing themselves.
He hates giving, even morally.
He enjoys the pain of his wife and children.
He violates other people’s rights and exhausts them, and he is cold towards others.
Tips for a wife on how to deal with a selfish husband
1- Understand his needs and be patient and calm until the things that satisfy him and contribute to his change are identified.
2- Earn his trust in you by fulfilling your promises, because a selfish man has to gain his wife’s trust in order to share his thoughts with her.
3- A selfish husband loves his wife and does not hate her.
4- Changing a selfish husband requires patience and calm honesty in order to achieve great change.
5- Treat him according to the principle of give and take, so don’t bear all the responsibility.
6- Praise him and praise him without exaggeration and let him understand that life takes place with cooperation and exchange of interests.
7- There is no objection to contacting family counselors and psychiatrists and getting advice from them.
8 Be a model of giving and altruism by your behavior towards him and his children.
9 Avoid doing everything for him because he might realize that this is life.
10 Ask him to help you fulfill some of your requests and those of your children and let him feel the importance of his positivity.
11 Share his hobbies and interests.
12- Ignore some of his selfishness, especially if it is related to his upbringing or the standards of his society.
13 Help him see the needs and wants of others.
14- Don’t let him wear you down because of his selfishness.