What to do if you don’t like your child’s friend? | Mirror

Amman Parents love to see their child make friends to develop their skills and social life. But it is possible that sooner or later they will meet a friend of the child whom one or both of them do not like. A friend can be very cruel, he can be a boss, a bully or other bad traits.

When this happens, most parents feel at a crossroads, questioning their response and wondering what steps they can take.

Child and make friends

Clinical psychologist for children, Dr. Asmaa Touqan, says that the child is usually inclined to create small groups because it shows social characteristics that distinguish some children, such as a love of control, ridicule, criticism, bullying, cooperation, competition, jealousy, and love to help.

At a certain stage, the child also tries to free himself from parental indulgence, such as calling him by a different name, preferring independence and independence.

It may respond to advice and guidance or reject it and become stubborn, depending on the parent’s style. In this context, Toukan explains that some parents object to a child having a specific friend, especially if it negatively affects the child and his behavior.

“Children usually imitate themselves, positively or negatively, which often leads to parents, without explaining the reason, forbidding the child to meet a close friend, and he becomes angry and resentful towards them. He may have a negative reaction such as crying, aggression or sadness, because he feels that he does not respect his choices, does not take into account his feelings and does not like to control him, and he can become stubborn and this is where the disputes between them begin… and his self-confidence weakens ,” according to Toukan.

Preparing a child with a strong personality

dr. Touqan says that the best way to avoid this problem is to prepare a child with a strong personality and self-confidence, who knows good and bad, right and wrong, and does not allow anyone to negatively influence him. Parents are advised to be friends with their child and to be constantly informed about what is happening with him, that is, to try to build a solid relationship with him based on clarity and honesty.

Touqan suggests to parents that when their child has a bad friend, they should explain to him the reasons why he does not want to continue this relationship and the consequences that it brings, and that they work to convince him of this matter, rather than imposing it on him, to avoid continuing this relationship without their knowledge and forcing the child to lie to them, which leads to Contributes to the positive formation of his personality.

Respect and acceptance of others

“Usually a child makes friends from the school environment or from sports activities, or from people in the neighborhood,” says Maha Bannoura, a family education consultant in family relationships.

And he continues: “At a certain age, the child’s interest is playing and participating with his peers in activities outside of school or events such as birthdays, because he wants to be socially acceptable and have a large number of friends.”

It is important to raise children to respect and accept others, not to bully them verbally or physically, and the need for boundaries between him and his friends, which means: “This is my colleague, whom I respect and do not insult him. , and I don’t let him invade my private space,” Bannoura said.

Friendships close to parenthood

Consultant Bannour draws attention to the need to focus on morality, human and religious principles in education, which in turn helps children to bring almsgiving closer to their upbringing and morality.

She added: “It is also important to focus on not leaving children unattended on smart devices for long periods of time, due to the impact on children’s behavior change and them blindly imitating what they see on their devices.”

He explains that if parents are unhappy with a particular friend of their child, it is advisable to talk to the child about the reasons for being angry with that friend and to encourage the son to deal with other friends and to encourage him to do so by befriending the child’s parents or friends’ families and organizing group activities with them (…) and over time, children’s awareness and maturity grow, and their personality crystallizes in accordance with their upbringing.

Why do you love your child’s friend?

The page “verywellfamily” published a topic in which it deals with how parents deal with the issue of dissatisfaction with their child’s friend.

“Before analyzing why you don’t like a particular friend of your child, acknowledge and accept your feelings,” says Carla Nomorg, a clinical social worker. “There is absolutely nothing wrong with feeling unhappy with your child’s friends, and the feelings can be unsettling, but never wrong in themselves.”

“Once you’ve done that, you can move on to identifying what upset you and what feelings are triggering you? Are you feeling fear, anxiety, frustration, or maybe anger? Look deeper into your upset, to understand why you’re upset about your child’s choice of friends.”

How to talk to your child if you don’t like his friend?

Nomorg suggests parents take several steps to resolve this issue:

Asking questions:

Learn more about your child’s relationship with a friend without judgment. Parents can ask their child the following questions: “Tell me something about your friend, what do you like about him?” Parents can learn something that will change their opinion of their friend as they open rare lines of communication with their son.

Avoid saying negative things about a friend:

Yes, it’s tempting to say something like, “I don’t like that boy…”, try to resist that urge, because it’s not appropriate to say negative things about a friend or his family, as this is likely to create a rift between you and your of the child and is likely to create additional difficulties when it comes to friends’ parents.

Highlight the hard points:

If you notice something that worries you or you think your child isn’t aware of it as a problem, ask questions about the behavior. You can say to him: “How did you feel when so-and-so said that to you earlier?” Or: “So-and-so only calls you when he needs something from you.”

Solve problems together:

After sharing these notes, give your child a chance to express his or her point of view as well. He may be wondering how to handle the situation and waiting for the right opportunity to find ways to change the dynamic.