Do you suffer from constant silence from your husband? Learn about the causes and how to treat | Mirror

Beirut- Is it true that silence is a useful remedy in some marital disputes, and in others it can lead to the end of the whole relationship? Is this really the most common state of silence among married couples? And when does silence benefit a marriage relationship, and when does it harm?

In this report, we provide an overview of the experiences and opinions of wives and husbands about “continuous silence” when arguments escalate. Is silence really the best solution? Or being provocative? Or is discussion the best way to resolve differences between spouses?

The silent treatment is useless

Tatiana Garius talks about her experience with her husband and her constant silence to avoid a harsh discussion with him, and to avoid his extreme anger, but her husband – according to her – does not care about it, does not care to please her. , and he doesn’t try to alleviate the crisis, even her silence doesn’t concern him, things between them remain stuck for days. With no results, she finds herself obliged to speak with him again and seek a conversation to right her wrongs.

Tatjana is convinced that silent treatment is completely useless, and adds – in an interview with Al-Jazeera Net – that keeping a woman or man silent when they are angry gives way to calm thinking, makes them control their behavior and creates an atmosphere. for conducting a serious and fruitful discussion, and avoids falling into sudden reactions that they might regret. .

But on the other hand, he believes that “silence is like a time bomb and is not a solution to the problems between the two parties”, because it is “destructive to the relationship and can lead to divorce”. And he adds: “From my personal experience, I went through a psychological state in which there was a lot of depression and fear from the charged atmosphere in the house, and from the constant distance and incompatibility of my husband, which encouraged me to dialogue, understanding, communication and discovering the real crisis before before it’s too late.”

Long silence is hated in married life

As for Maxim Taha, he considers himself one of those who have a calm and silent nature, unlike his exasperated wife. If she explodes with anger, he knows how to tame his anger well and remains silent until she calms down, and waits for her to talk. with her. later calmly and thoughtfully.

However, he believes that “long silence is not a solution to any problem between spouses at all, because it imposes an atmosphere of depression, tension, anxiety and apathy, and that is unacceptable in a relationship, it is hated in a marriage. Life, and the longer it lasts, that’s all up.”

And Taha continues that speech and dialogue are “the perfect solution for returning water to normal and life to normal. Speech is one of the elements of understanding between spouses and children, and if spouses lack love and participation, the relationship between them cools.”

Silence is the weapon of the weak

Eleonor Al-Ghaz is a wife and works as a social worker. In her private life, she faces the problem of “marital silence”, which is a consequence of her and her husband’s continuous work outside the home and returning home exhausted and not ready to talk, as well as because of their preoccupation with social networks , but she says that she finally realized how much damage she is causing to herself. And her husband because of this long silence.

Therefore, she tried to protect her family from ruin, and to find more space for dialogue, and to share with her husband his preferences and hobbies, and the conversations that interest him, and she returned to take care of him, and tried to create an atmosphere of fun, laughter and kind words away from troubles and problems, “silence increases the complexity of things, and dialogue is the basis of the solution.” All crises, but silence is the weapon of the weak,” she tells Al Jazeera Net.

Eleonor believes that “long-term deathly silence between spouses becomes a scourge that kills the spirit of married life, and has many negative sides, including complete isolation and instability, and the matter can progress to the final stage, which is divorce.”

Tips for breaking the deadly silence

As a social worker, Eleanor advises every couple to get rid of the deadly silence:

• Maintaining the language of communication between them and maintaining love and ten.
• Avoid isolation, as it can lead to “marital silence” and then spiritual separation of the spouses, leading to the stage of divorce.
• The need for joint participation in activities and events as this helps communication and cooperation.
• The fight against boredom, because it is one of the most dangerous factors that lead to “marital silence”, because the spouses become two different worlds, isolated from each other.

Dialogue is the backbone of married life, but…

As for the specialist in psychological and behavioral analysis and family guidance, Rawan Al-Mutlaq, she believes that a healthy relationship between spouses is one that is built on dialogue and discussion and on talking about all daily and future problems and decisions.

He explains that silence for a certain period of time may be the most suitable solution to overcome the problem, but its length can be the reason for breaking the relationship, because it often happens that both parties think they are right, so they remain silent and wait for another reaction that satisfies them, while at the same time the other party feels the feeling. In the same way, the period of disagreement is prolonged and the accumulations increase with it, which worsens the matter, and the two parties can forget the cause of the main problem and remember only that there is a negative feeling and a psychological barrier between them.

Rawan al-Mutlaq advises that temporary silence when an argument breaks out between spouses is a way to calm and respect the other party’s feelings of anger, to avoid escalating the situation and complicating the dispute, but on the other hand, he warns against adopting silence as a permanent treatment for the problem, because it often leads to separation.

A psychologist and specialist in behavioral analysis shows that dialogue is the backbone of married life, the best way for marriage to succeed and to build a balanced and happy family. He points out that there are several reasons for the spouse’s long silence, such as neglect, psychological abuse, addiction to the use of phones and social networks, which leads to the absence of a full dialogue between the two parties.

He adds that among these factors is the lack of common interests, lack of time for each other, and the lack of companionship between the spouses, that is, the loss of real communication between them.

Ways of treating marital silence

Family guidance expert Rawan Al-Mutlaq confirms that there are several ways to treat marital silence, including:

• Going for a walk once a week and trying to celebrate a special occasion together that brings back good memories.
• Do not respond to silence with silence. If one of the spouses shuts up and leaves and does not want to talk anymore, the other must find a way to take the initiative in a peaceful way that brings a positive result.
• Searching for the real causes of this scourge, so that we can treat it and overcome the crisis as quickly as possible.
• Spouses accept each other, especially their “flaws”, because this strengthens the bonds of love and care between them.
• Knowing the things that upset the other party and the things that make them happy, because these things deal with the state of deathly silence.

She believes that “the lack of speech between spouses leads to complete apathy and long silence, and boredom can creep into their lives. The absence of honesty and clarity in life matters leads to their mutual distancing, accumulation of differences, and the difficulty of overcoming these pressures, so they are subject to alienation and be silent.”

When the woman is the reason!

He points out that numerous economic problems play a role in the silence of husbands, especially men, since some of them have a lot of fatigue and effort at work and want to enjoy the comfort and peace of home, and the wife’s frequent conversations about domestic problems and children – without choosing the right time – would make them nervous and disrupt marital relations. Therefore, it is necessary to separate the economic life from the feelings and emotions between the spouses, because the marriage relationship is not a commercial transaction.

El-Mutlak warns that during an argument, the word divorce should not be repeated, especially from a woman, because this word is very bad, and it is necessary to control anger and tension and not get carried away by negative emotions.

“Silent treatment” in marital relations!

Marriage published an article by expert blogger Rachel Bass in which she discussed how to deal with the state of silence between couples? Is silence harmful treatment in a marital relationship?

Bass says that everyone believes that marriage is perfect and that every couple will live happily ever after, but in real life there are hundreds of issues and things that couples fight about, sometimes for trivial reasons, to the point that some people choose to receive silent treatment, in order to reduce differences and problems, and some of them This method is used to put pressure on others.

Why is the “silent treatment” so harmful?

Narcissists often use this therapy as a weapon, and it can cause a feeling of self-doubt and low self-esteem in the victim.

Some couples believe that any argument will exacerbate differences, and that anger will lead to a negative result and remorse for both parties. Therefore, to calm the situation, they resort to the silent treatment, which in their opinion is the best way to keep the relationship intact.

“You’re an idiot. This is an ultimatum.”

This sentence indicates that one of the parties wants to escape before things get out of control, which is a form of resorting to silence. But silence in marriage is a failure of communication.

According to Rachel, the phrase “get out of my face” is the worst kind of “shut up” and indicates that the other party does not care what you say, and here the two parties may be on the verge of divorce.