Stubborn husband or wife.. Who is responsible?
Amman- What is the difference between strength of character and stubbornness?
Many believe that the biggest role in consolidating and strengthening the marital relationship is the participation in big events and parties, and even a big happy event or going on a trip for a week or two.
The truth is that the beautiful little things that happen every day, the ability to effectively deal with the demands and problems of life, positivity, sweet words, smiles and mutual respect are what grow day by day and are what make life and marriage meaningful.
Stubbornness is a characteristic of men and women, and a stubborn person is one of the characters that is difficult to deal with, because he sticks to his opinion without allowing himself to listen to different points of view. Stubbornness can be present in people or acquired for various reasons.
Stubbornness leads to arguments, irritability, screaming, verbal abuse and physical violence/beating, all of which affect the general atmosphere in the home and the mental health of the children, and can eventually lead to divorce.
The main reasons for the worsening or appearance of stubbornness in a husband or wife:
First: the insecurity of one of the “doubts”, especially if the woman feels that the husband is involved in illegal relationships, addiction, gambling or is thinking about remarriage.
Second: The desire of one of the parties to be in control and not make any concessions, and the main reason for such behavior is masculinity and heroism, a sense of superiority and the desire to prove one’s personality.
Third: The unwillingness of either side to make concessions, for example, because of a difference in social, cultural, or intellectual level, especially if one side feels that it is superior or superior to the other side.
Fourth: The stubbornness of any of them can be a means of expressing dissatisfaction with the behavior, actions and habits of the other party, and the lack of harmony.
Fifth: There is no love and unwillingness to continue building this edifice from any side or one of them.
Sixth: Arrogance and arrogance in one of them, which is the result of the behavior on which the husband or wife was brought up.
Here we must distinguish between a strong personality who has his own opinion and listens and changes, if necessary, and an arrogant person who does not listen and continues to adhere to his ideas.
Here are some tips for a successful and stable marriage:
1. Spend time together and discuss many common problems whenever possible, and arrange regular programs for weekly or evening activities.
The relationship is direct, the more time both parties spend with each other, the more they understand each other.
A couple who wants a relationship to succeed always finds time to talk and check in on each other. It’s important to talk, even just for a few minutes a day, to discuss important and personal topics to ensure a stable relationship in the long run.
2. Learn the ability and the best way to solve conflicts and problems, through understanding your needs and the needs of others and the desire to continue the relationship.
Know what you want and understand what other people want.
There are what are known as positive differences, where you can express your needs and wants and be willing to compromise.
The goal must be to solve the problem with justice and satisfaction.
You can “win” arguments or situations, but the marriage relationship can be affected if your partner feels inferior or wronged.
3. Respect and mutual respect between the two parties at all times Continuous negative criticism and comments, even if they are simple, lead to relationship weakness, tension and instability over time.
Just imagine yourself in the position of the critic and how you feel.
4. Get to know yourself properly because it helps you understand others and deal with their desires.
In order to be able to accept a partner, we must first accept ourselves, because communicating with others is not a simple matter and a person must first understand himself in order to be able to understand others and treat his partner properly.
5. Strengthening bonds of attachment and intimacy, by understanding the emotional aspects of the other party, giving him space to express what is happening inside him and his needs without fear or hesitation at any time.
6. Focusing on and supporting common interests between the two parties, especially things that are outside the domain of the family such as going to a restaurant, going for a walk, watching movies, solving common social and political issues, doing joint sports or even going to a sports club.
Research has shown that the participation of spouses in the circle of media and news experiences, such as films, books, radio and satellite programs, enhances the rapprochement of spouses.
7. Supporting common spiritual ties between the two parties, strengthening, supporting and stabilizing the relationship.
Like going to prayer, yoga classes, relaxation.
8. Support the basics of communication and communication by learning to listen well, listen and smile when one of the parties speaks. Do not interrupt or underestimate the value of his speech.
Always avoid offensive words, even if they are in jest, “a sweet word is worth its weight in gold.”
Apart from participating in a social circle with a group of couples of mutual interest or even mixing with the partner’s friends to maintain a minimum level of familiarity with the social life.
9. Tolerance, because no one is perfect and we are all subject to mistakes.
Both parties must have room for error and both parties must understand that the speed of an apology has strength and support in the relationship.
10. Look at the positive sides from the other side. In other words, get used to looking at the bright side of the relationship and the beautiful qualities you love.
Retired Major General Amjad Al-Jumayan
Senior Consultant Psychiatrist
Fellow of the Royal College of Psychiatrists / UK
Specialized doctorate in child and youth psychiatry