What to do if you’re tired of begging for your partner’s attention? | Lifestyle
Amman- Attention is a “basic requirement” in life between spouses, and it implies directing one’s attention to the other, that is, to his circle of interests. However, with some flawed intellectual heritage and immersion in the worries of everyday life, the couple gets used to a shared existence, only to create a kind of icy bond that soon freezes everything related to their lives.
Do husbands understand the importance of getting attention? Because it is the heartbeat of the relationship and the catalyst for its continuation, strong and ardent, and what should one of the partners do if he is tired of begging for the other’s attention?
“That’s my nature.. I don’t like sweet talk.. Everyone is like that” and other answers that a beautiful forty-year-old woman gets from her husband when she confronts him that she doesn’t feel any interest from him. , despite her attempts to change this character over the years.
Alia says, “I take care of all the affairs of our family life and I know what makes him happy and I do it. I also always try to ease his anxiety and pain. Unfortunately, in return I find myself begging for his attention.”
Marwan Al-Sayed, in his fifties, comments that he seizes the right opportunities for initiative and pays attention to the details that are close to his wife’s heart, so that their relationship is not spoiled by boredom and monotony and thus loses its beauty.
He says: “I appreciate my wife, but she is always busy with her work and family life, from time to time I prepare a surprise and she is very happy. But on the other hand, I notice a lack of interest on her part.”
Their opinion is shared by Khawla Al-Sayed, who says that attention is the main condition in married life, so the skill of attention must be developed and learned, and it is achieved by initiative, not by waiting and asking from the other party, explaining that the lack of interest is one of the reasons which led to her separation from her husband.
Attention is not required
On the other hand, marriage and psychological relationship counselor Dr. Ahmed Sirwi says, “Attention is not sought, it is an automatic behavior. If sought, that behavior loses its meaning and luster and becomes worthless. So married life is life participation in most things, the most important of which is attention.”
He points out that begging for the attention of one party from the other is mentally exhausting, because it forces the newcomer to enter into negative cycles of thinking, which represents the disrespect of the other and the loss of the feeling of love, as well as other negative thoughts and feelings that contribute to the creation of division, alienation and emotional coldness between the spouses.
Man sees love in situations
dr. Sriwi points out that it is necessary to distinguish the presence of several types of interest from the lack of interest in one aspect, which is the emotional aspect. He sees love with attitudes, while she, as a wife, sees love with emotions, so a problem arises.
He added: “A woman believes that a man does not care about her or love her, therefore a woman must understand his nature, not be emotionally demanding and distinguish between the types of attention that a man can give as an expression of material love, and expect from him speech and emotional and moral attention.”
For his part, Dr. Ahmed Abdullah, a family counselor, says that while attention is an important need that must be met between spouses, it is subject to differences in the nature of each of them and their way of thinking.
And he believes that for the success of any marriage relationship, it must be seen through the eyes of the other, so paying attention to the wife must be done in one’s own way, and paying attention to the husband must be done in his own way.
One of the most important misconceptions that affects the lives of two partners lies in the attitude that attention should not be asked for, and that it should be provided without the other party’s request, according to consultant Abdullah, who believes that “attention is necessary, and it is never at the expense of dignity or social status. We, by our natural instinct, daily demand attention from those around us, with many and different behaviors, and not necessarily with words.
He adds: “Therefore, before we get tired of not meeting this need, we have to ask ourselves: What has brought things to this stage? Is it an indulgence? Is there an interest, but not in the necessary way, or not in the necessary amount? If we answer these questions, we will not reach the stage of boredom.”
Abdullah believes that the problem is deeper than the object of concern, which is a symptom of a deeper illness, and the couple should seek the causes and methods of treatment.
What happens when you don’t pay attention to your partner?
Entitled “What happens when there is a lack of interest between two partners?” The “marriage” website published an article about the importance of care for married life, and its impact on the survival and continuity of the relationship between two parties.
The site listed a number of factors that negatively affect the emotional life between spouses, namely:
loss of connection: If you stop giving your husband the love and attention he deserves, you will drift away, and if the usual late-night conversations become routine, they will turn into nothing later. In time you will become strangers.
Being insensitive: Lack of interest in relationships makes us insensitive in many ways. Over time, we fail to see our partner’s needs, which leads to the erosion of the bond that unites the couple and the family as a whole.
Low self-esteem and respect: If your husband is used to being ignored, he/she probably has very low self-esteem and this will affect him more than you might expect.
These factors would lead one of the spouses to think that they are not being given enough attention in the relationship, perhaps because they do not deserve it, and this feeling can break anyone.
Advice for the interests of partners
Know that this is an effort that requires persistence: When the spark in a relationship begins to fade, one partner begins to look away from the other and become interested in different things. Therefore, you must understand that a strong relationship requires the full attention of both. And to achieve this, you need to take care of your partner every day.
Planning a trip together: Sometimes, the busyness of a couple or one of them can lead to the problem of lack of interest. If you think you want to make your partner feel special, but you don’t have enough time, plan a trip with them that will make your partner feel appreciated.
Make decisions together: Sometimes the monotony of life makes you feel like something is wrong with your relationship or lack of attention. However, if you change your daily routine and start doing things together, it can break the monotony and bring you closer.
Understand your partner’s complaints: Maybe it seems that your partner is constantly bothering you, so you need to understand his feelings and get to the bottom of why he does it, so as not to make things worse between you.