Banter between spouses. What are its controls and what are the benefits, and what are the harms to the marital relationship? | Lifestyle
Beirut – Joking is very important in normal life to stimulate sense of humor and fight against boredom, boredom and social pressures and it is necessary for spouses to joke to get rid of monotony.
But some types of jokes can have a negative effect on the relationship as they can be misused to the extent of destroying the married life. Therefore, it is necessary to know some points that should not be joked with, and to follow some psychologically useful tips in order to establish love between the two parties.
The banter begins with laughter and ends with regret
Young wife Lynn Shehab says that her husband Ahmed started joking with her that he was going to marry her and she took it as a joke at first, but he started repeating it in every session and it was no longer a fun joke or a simple joke, it was became a question and a doubt for her?
And she couldn’t stand this kind of joke anymore, so she stood up to him and asked him to stop with that story because it annoys her a lot and even scares her, but his reaction shocked her; He was so angry with her that he didn’t want to talk to her anymore.
Sehab continues her story that the relationship between them was very strained because of that joke, so she waited for the right time to calm his nerves and sat next to him to talk to him seriously, calmly and friendly, and told him that a joke is a double-edged sword. Therefore, it is necessary to be careful with one’s words, so as not to misunderstand things or cause the words to unintentionally hurt another’s feelings or arouse his jealousy.
After that, her husband felt that he had gone too far in the style of joking with her and apologized to her, admitting that he loved her and would not leave her, and that he had chosen heavy banter that was not suitable for a marriage relationship. .
My husband decided to joke at the wrong time
Jumana Damej’s young wife believes that her husband Tarik exaggerates his banter and even crosses the line, so his banter is difficult as she described, and it is enough that he annoys her with his banter and asks him daily to stop, or – at least – reduce it.
And one of his harms to her is that he jokes with her in front of his family, and that is what saddens and hurts her the most, no matter how justified her husband gives it, and he jokes with her in front of his children who laugh at her, so she sees her children’s lack of respect for her, as she says.
And he recalls the combination of the commandments of the Prophet, peace be upon him, when he advised Abu Hurairah: “Do not laugh too much, because too much laughter kills the heart.” There is no doubt that the prohibition includes that which causes laughter, the interest in it and the aspiration to it, as you say.
Joumana chose the time when she found her husband calming, occupied with nothing, and the children were far from them, and she approached him with a smile and said to him: “Many of my friends complain about the seriousness of their husbands and envy me for the cheerful spirit I have.” , so he felt satisfied and happy.
And she continued, saying to him: “But I beg you to be careful not to harm me unintentionally, not to joke with me in front of our children and to be happy to choose your funny words so that they do not annoy me, and you reduce it as your excessive joking would not diminish the respect of others for me, and my Lord protects you and guides and supplies you, I pray to God that He always improves our situation and reconciles our hearts.
Her husband was embarrassed and apologized to her, noting that he did not want to harm her or humiliate her in front of his family or their children, she told Al Jazeera Net.
Tips for joking between spouses
Counselor for marital relations, counseling and family guidance, Eleanor Al-Ghaz, believes that a sense of humor and joking between spouses effectively contribute to strengthening the marital relationship, and offers a number of tips on how to know how to joke with your partner:
When one of the spouses has a sensitive nature, the other party must understand the types of jokes that annoy him, and avoid jokes about things that make him sad and angry, so as not to alienate him and object, which can destroy married life.
He jokes about remarriage
Sometimes a man jokes with his wife that he is going to marry another woman and the like, and here this joke causes the wife to become jealous and suspect that the husband might be cheating on her, and from there many problems start, so whenever the husband answers the phone or he leaves the house alone, his wife will interrogate him and impose her questions on him, which disturbs him and makes him trapped and chained, and the love between them gradually wanes and family peace is absent.
Some couples joke with each other that they are ready for divorce just as a joke, and this is enough to destroy the sense of security in the spouse, especially the wife, especially since security is one of the most important psychological needs of the two parties to build a stable married life.
Joke by hiding the truth
There are husbands who joke with their wives that they are hiding some facts from them, which makes women anxious to find out the truth about it.
convey a message
Sometimes one of the spouses is forced to blame or admonish the other party, and sometimes he admonishes him in jest. In the sense that the husband conveys a message against the other party through a joke.
How can the boundaries of a joke be set?
Al-Ghaz confirms that joking is a positive thing, but that it – like everything – has limits and etiquette, because joking is necessary and important for spouses, provided it does not violate their privacy and does not diminish their respect. Therefore, there are rules and restrictions for joking between spouses:
Unequal relationship: If, for example, a husband likes harsh or violent jokes, and his wife does not like him, then it is not a joke at all, but turns into annoying and insulting the other party, and since there are many types of jokes, the spouses must agree on a certain type of joke to we laugh together, so that the joke is not offensive.
Use a joke to break the ice: Don’t get attached to a person’s appearance or their failures. Instead, focus on shared experiences.
It is possible to joke about superficial things such as expressing your partner’s constant boredom or choice of clothes, but it must be noted that this can be harmful if they do not know each other, because they may not have harmony in which to participate in such a way.
Use a humorous excuse: For example, when you say I was just joking to cover up that you are wrong, your sense of humor is to avoid responsibility, which is harmful to the husband.
The joke turns into sarcasm: You have to be careful about the intention because mocking is not fun at all. Enjoying mocking your weight or shape is bullying, so it is better to look for solutions to get rid of bullying in your married life.
Negative comments: Passive-aggressive humor may seem good at first, but it’s irritating, like for example a wife says she’s lost 5 kilos, and the husband replies: It looks like you’ve lost a lot of weight. Although this comment might seem natural at first, it might offend her on the other hand, so pay attention to what the person is saying. A sentence like “You look great” leads to a stronger relationship-building consequence.
What are the advantages of a funny couple?
Counselor Eleanor El-Ghazz believes that joking is beneficial because it relieves stress and anxiety. When finances are tight, children have problems, or life is too busy with meetings and an important memory for a couple is forgotten, humor comes into play.
Research has shown that people with a sense of humor are less tired and depressed, and that they and their spouses will generally enjoy life.
Among its advantages:
Increase your knowledge of: Feelings of love increase when a couple laughs together; Humor promotes connection and intimacy in new, old and romantic relationships. Banter adds a wonderful dimension to conversations and enhances the feeling of intimacy and closeness between spouses.
gentle teasing Teasing the other party from time to time in a light and smooth manner will inevitably add an air of fun to the relationship.
A childish joke: Kisses on the cheeks, tickling and silly, childish “bubbles”… all this can add to the atmosphere of fun and pampering in a marital relationship.
What’s the harm in joking a couple?
Humor or sarcastic joking can harm the other party because it can be negative and result in harm, including:
Teasing your partner: Focus on light and fun jokes without teasing your partner because teasing or teasing makes them feel insecure about you.
Boring Joke: Harsh teasing breeds repulsion and kills friendship and intimacy.
Self-humiliation: This means jokes where you make fun of yourself or give others permission to make fun of you, which is self-harm.
To criticize something or someone: You can criticize something or someone as a joke in front of your partner to make him laugh, provided that criticizing others is not a constant habit, because constantly criticizing leaves a bad impression and distances your partner from you.
Make room for fun and laughter
In short, the puzzle ends with the statement that laughter is a stress reliever, so it’s important for couples to have a good laugh whenever they’re in trouble. Texting facilitates the process of communication between two partners and contributes to the creation of a more relaxed atmosphere. In other words, “make jokes and laughter a big space in your marriage.”