What to do if an adult abuses your child? | Mirror

When an adult yells at your child, whether it’s your child’s fault or not, it’s only natural to feel confused and angry, and your protective instincts come to your child’s defense and respond in kind or even make the situation worse.

Before rushing to confront the person who raised their voice, whether it’s a family member, a stranger, or the father of one of the child’s classmates, try to calm down to defuse the situation for the child. Once you’re sure your child is okay and you’ve told them you’re on their side, try to fix the situation by following these steps:

Calm the baby first

Before talking to the adult who raised his voice, it is important to first ask the child how he is feeling, make sure he is okay and try to understand from him what happened. He may not be able to explain the situation clearly, but at least he will convey his feeling and what he understood from his side.

“If you don’t first understand what’s going on in your child’s mind, you can’t make the right decision about what to do about a crisis,” says Laurie Holman, MD, a clinically trained child, adolescent, and adult psychologist. Very good family..

Don’t make him apologize

“Even if your child’s behavior seems somewhat uncomfortable, your priority is your child, not another adult. You can apologize if you feel the situation warrants your apology, but don’t force your child to do what the other person wants,” Holman notes.

Adults often want to get an apology right away, but in order to understand what was in your child’s mind and what led to their behavior, you can’t make a split-second decision and make your child feel like you’re in their way and abandoned.

take care

When you are upset and trying to calm down, it is important to pay attention to your body language and tone of voice. Try to resolve the situation with a calm demeanor and speak in a firm and direct but respectful tone.

And if the adult who raised his voice at your child is a stranger, you didn’t know each other before, you can introduce yourself first and ask what happened; Questioning, not judging, like saying, “Hello, I’m Muhammad’s mother, can I understand what happened?”

This shows your child an effective way to deal with crises and conflicts and how to control their emotions, no matter what.

Show your understanding

Emphasize that you are simply trying to understand what happened so that you can resolve the situation, and approach the other person calmly and do not respond to their intensity, as this will likely lead to further escalation of the situation.

“Make sure you manage the situation with understanding and empathy,” says mental health counselor Julia Chamberlain.

To tell an adult that his behavior was wrong, you can express your understanding of his good intentions, then express your displeasure with his behavior and raise your voice at your child, then confirm that you care about your relationship and are willing to listen to him find solution, according to Chamberlain.

Use humor

You can also de-escalate the situation with humor when the situation is simple and you want to get over it, and it depends on who you are and the nature of the person you are addressing and your relationship.

If you are not successful in de-escalating the argument, it may be helpful to briefly stop the conversation or leave the area until you have calmed down.

Be assertive

If someone clearly crosses the line by yelling at your child and does not respond to your attempt to resolve the crisis, you can speak in a calm but firm manner and tell them, “This is my child and I will discipline him.”

Set some limits

If that adult is a family member or friend who constantly raises their voice at your child, it is important to set some rules and limit your children’s contact with them.

According to research by the Society for Child Development Research, which included more than 950 families, the continuous use of verbal violence in parenting can lead to problems in the behavior of children and adolescents and the appearance of depressive symptoms in them.

Therefore, you should avoid using this method to talk to your children as well as protect them from exposing them to anyone else.

This could be by saying to the other person, “Whenever there is a problem with my child, my way of dealing with it is to talk to him kindly and try to understand him, and I would like you to do the same with him if there is any problem between you and him.”

Help your child get through it

An attack by an adult can cause a lot of negative feelings in your child; Like fear and helplessness. So you have to convince him that you are with him, support him and enjoy him.

Allow him to share with you what he was feeling and thinking. This is an effective way to allow him to explore, identify and name his feelings, validate his feelings and confirm your understanding.

Tell him how you handled the situation and allow him to ask his questions and express any additional concerns he may have.

Make it a learning experience

You can also talk to him about how to handle such situations in the future and reassure him that you are always there to support and protect him.

And be aware that children learn about feelings and how to express and regulate them through adults, so it’s important to focus on your emotions and reactions during and after those stressful situations.

Should other people’s children be disciplined?

The limitations of adults in dealing with other people’s children are to keep them safe, to limit their misbehavior as much as possible, and if one or both of the child’s parents are present, politely tell them and invite them to act.