An unemployed husband… threatens the stability of the family
Investigation: Muhammad al-Mahi
Equality and solidarity in married life is one of the most important foundations of family stability and cohesion, and in order for marriage to achieve its goals, it must be based on healthy foundations that are reflected in good choices, responsibility, willingness to cooperate with others, and that the relationship between two side is based on complementarity.
Finally, husbands appeared on the social scene who avoided their natural tasks and entrusted them to the woman. Instead of the husband spending on her, she takes on the issue of spending entirely on the man and the children. The traditional social roles of spouses began to change, and this had certain consequences. on the family and society, and the unemployed husband became “in a mood”, which negatively affects the relationship between the spouses, and leads to the beating of the family and the destruction of its entity.
Divorce cases in the courts have shown that there is a type of men who avoid their family obligations and obligations to their children, and throw them on their wives, without taking into account whether their wife’s capabilities qualify them for it? This imbalance in roles posed a great danger to the cohesion of the family and its entity, and suffering became for both parties, the wife is responsible for spending and bears the responsibility of taking care of the children and managing the whole family, even though she is the weaker side, and the husband loses his place in the lives of their children, the stereotype of the head of the family also changes, so love is absent and concepts are mixed, values change, the divorce rate increases, psychological disorders increase, for spouses or children, due to internal psychological conflicts or permanent family disputes.
Among the latest cases being considered by state courts is the case of an Arab woman employed by a company who requested a divorce from her husband. Remaining unemployed at his will, while she works and spends on him and the family.
And she believed that her husband had agreed with her that he would travel to the Emirates, work, and then join her, look for a job that would help them in life, but she was surprised after his arrival in the country, he abandons his duties and responsibilities towards the home and children , and she came to a state of psychological pressure, which prompted her to turn to the judiciary, asking for a divorce.
In another case covered by Al-Khaleej, an unemployed Arab youth faced divorce proceedings from his employed wife. Because he wants her to spend on his house and children. And he was not satisfied with that, so he shamelessly obliged her to pay the amount, when he transported her in his car for her needs, under the pretext that it was at the expense of his time.
The helpless wife decided to drive the last nail into the coffin of the relationship she had with her husband, she decided to rebel against the remaining patience and part with her husband at any cost, even if she has to give up her legitimate rights.
The Gulf sheds light on these issues, which have increased in recent times. To develop effective solutions to limit its spread, and to enlighten and protect society, by meeting with numerous specialists and experts.
Lawyer Iman Al-Rifai says that the husband in the family is the axis of the family and a role model for its members, so the Almighty God entrusted him with the task of guardianship, and a working woman is not obliged or obliged to pay any amount of expenses for the house. Pointing out that pampering his little son from the family creates numerous problems for him when he gets married. He is not capable of taking responsibility, is prone to addiction and leaves his wife to face problems alone.
She indicated that it is difficult for an unemployed husband to establish a harmonious family, and a marriage is exemplary when each party carries out their duties and responsibilities, because each of them has rights and obligations. When one side abandons its duties and shirks responsibility, the other side feels that the other has made a mistake. Emphasizing that the dependent husband is a common model in many homes and is not an anomaly. She said, “You can’t find an excuse for a man who sits at home and lives off his wife’s toil.”
In the same context, says Al-Rifai, the ideal solution to deal with this pattern of husbands is for a woman to be satisfied with her duties only as a wife and mother, except in exceptional health cases that may prevent a man from leaving his job.
Negative and dependent
The official fatwa center of the General Authority for Islamic Affairs has confirmed that spending on the house is obligatory for the husband, but if a working woman wants to participate, it is only a matter of cooperation and assistance. He explained that a woman is not obliged to spend, but she can cooperate with her husband if she wants to.
Family counselor and social researcher specializing in family rehabilitation, Moza Al-Qubaisi, estimated, according to the cases presented to her, that 70 to 80% of divorce cases between spouses with incomes are for financial reasons, which is either a lack of cooperation or one of the spouses in spending on the house, or the extravagance of one of them, or the material selfishness of one of the spouses.
She said: Scenes of a man chained by the constraints of negativity, addiction and shirking responsibility are repeated daily in our reality, and have become a modern problem from which many wives, especially female employees, suffer. With a note that modern life requires spouses to see this issue as a joint responsibility, and therefore a woman has the right to demand her rights and remind her husband of his duties towards the family. In order not to contribute to the production of a dependent husband by helping him in every small and big way, and by volunteering to solve the problems they encounter during different life situations.
In order to solve this problem, Al-Qubaisi claims that spouses must cultivate their sense of family responsibility, and accustom children from the initial school stages to assume responsibility, in accordance with the nature of each individual and the sincerity of the wife towards her husband. , and the distribution of the combination between housework and work tasks, because every person has energy that can disappear and collapse, so a woman must draw boundaries and allocate responsibilities and tasks, and be firm and serious if her husband asks her to change her role and spend on the family.
Dr. Nawaf Al-Nuaimi, psychiatrist, agrees with the above and adds: “Men who depend on a woman to lead the family and spend on her, usually have a weak personality and are the ones who run away from the assumption of responsibility, they do not have the potential energy that qualifies them to bear the pressures of life.” ».
He said that an addicted husband has a weak personality and is unable to take responsibility and make decisions, even small ones, without relying on his wife. Emphasizing that women suffer from a state of tension and behavioral disorders, which is a consequence of the pressure on them, and frequent marital quarrels due to the temperament of the unemployed husband.
He added: “Woman and children lack the presence of a role model in their lives when a man is unemployed in his mood and depends on the woman for everything, which affects the relationship of the children with the father, and one of them may imitate the father. style and addiction.”
Al-Nuaimi advised a woman to be content with performing her duties as a wife, mother and head of the family, from the first day of her married life, so that her husband gets used to taking on all his responsibilities as a husband and father in the future.
Lawyer and legal adviser Abdullah Al-Kaabi believed that the principle is that the husband should fully bear the expenses of his wife, even if she works and earns a large salary. He also takes care of her personal expenses.
He pointed out that there are differences in the field regarding spending. Where the husband asks the working wife to participate in spending, or avoids his material responsibilities and asks her to intervene to fulfill them, pointing out that often when the wife intervenes in spending on the house, the husband gradually withdraws from these obligations, and this is where family conflicts arise disputes that can be described B “deep”.
He added that married life is based on participation, and it turns into a struggle in which the woman lives alone to solve her problems and carry her burdens, and the husband does not share these burdens and responsibilities with her, pointing out that there are important reasons behind the dependence on the unemployed husband, or the reason is the husband’s upbringing, and his upbringing on pampering and not taking responsibility, or taking advantage of the wife’s desire to go to work and seek independence out of concern for his comfort in exchange for the wife’s exhaustion, which negatively affects the relationship between the spouses and leads to his collapse.
He pointed out the necessity of participation and efforts so that the wife does not do all the work alone, but that the husband’s tasks must be clearly defined, and that they are not given up except in case of emergency or urgent need. Strictness must be present in some situations, then gradually abandoning some obligations that fall under the husband’s obligations little by little, leaving tasks that can be postponed to be done by himself, while constantly reminding him of them. .
Al-Kaabi proposed to end this problem by establishing awareness centers that would be mandatory for all those who intend to get married, and their role would be to clarify the rights of one over the other, so that families are cohesive and in complete stability.