The troublemakers are destroying the marriage nest! – Saudi news

Social, family, psychological and legal experts have attributed the rise in divorce cases in Saudi society to a number of reasons. Including the violation of the terms of the marriage contract, the interference of the spouse’s social environment in the family life, the influence of social media platforms and the blind imitation of luxury. Experts considered all these reasons as shovels for destroying married life.

Experts explained the psychological and social effects of divorce. Including social isolation, reluctance to engage in new experiences, dissatisfaction, feelings of sadness and post-traumatic stress disorder.

Family counselor Hashim Al-Bar attributes the increase in divorce cases to the incompatibility of spouses due to different ideas, cultures, customs and social traditions, or to the existence of constant struggle and constant competition for leadership. the other party, because each party wants to impose full control over the management of the family helm or the failure of one of the spouses to take responsibility. Marriage to the other party and its consequences and obligations, with a weak culture of rights between them, and among the reasons is – according to the righteous – bad association , either by not caring for the other party and meeting his emotional, physical and psychological needs, along with marital boredom, and what increases the reasons is allowing family intervention. , relatives or friends who are not experts or mature people in resolving disputes between two parties.

external interventions

Family counsellor, Hashem Al-Bar, suggests several solutions to deal with the increasing number of divorces, starting from the importance of choosing a good partner, mutual respect and appreciation between spouses, to the need for generations to be educated in school. curricula and present them to children in schools and universities in accordance with the appropriate age stages, and the importance of training spouses in dialogue and discussion skills Resolving disputes without external interference, resorting to arbitrators and experts authorized by scientific and practical experience in marriage counseling, and seeking well-known counseling centers specializing in family matters.

An easy, shocking solution

Social counselor, Doaa Zahran, explained several reasons for the large number of divorce cases. Among them is the lack of a sense of responsibility and the absence of an element of role models, because divorce has become the easiest solution for ending a partnership and starting a new partnership without learning from the past loss, and one of the most influential factors in the stability of married life (social media) and blind imitation.

Social counselor Zahran points out another problem, which is the divorce of newlyweds due to ignorance of the concept of real marriage, misunderstanding of each other’s personalities and avoidance of taking on new responsibilities in married life. the solution is to end the married life.

Zahran emphasizes the importance of attending courses for those planning to get married that enable them to know how to face marital problems according to healthy standards.

When does a woman have the right to divorce?

Legal advisor Hisham Hanbouli says: The wife has the right to file for divorce if one of the terms of the marriage contract has been violated. The terms must first be applied and adhered to. Since a person, according to this contract, becomes lawful to his wife, and therefore it is important to adhere to the terms of the marriage contract. Pointing out that the terms of the marriage contract are secondary and mandatory, and their violation gives the wife the right to divorce. For example, if a woman agreed on an independent accommodation in the marriage contract, she was surprised that her husband provided her with an apartment with his family. This is the basic condition under which a woman has the right to request a divorce.

In addition to work and study conditions, if they are violated, the woman has the right to submit a request for the annulment of the marriage, so that the husband, in that case, has no right to return the dowry.

Disappointment and the return of self-confidence

Psychologist Nawal Al-Zahrani indicated that divorce can have a significant psychological impact on the life of each family member, and the impact varies from one person to another, and the impact ranges between fears, impatience, resentment, guilt, anxiety, anger, post-traumatic stress disorder, low self-esteem and insecurity, as well as Divorced women feel more social stigma than men, and parties affected by divorce go through several stages that represent psychological and emotional stages, and the stages begin with the stage of blaming the other and disappointment, followed by the stage of dissatisfaction and feelings of sadness , and then begins the phase of rebuilding confidence in life Adaptation to the new situation in preparation for life, in order to reach the phase of recovery and a new beginning.

Nawal Al-Zahrani emphasized that the experience of divorce can be repeated in light of the lack of compatibility and agreement and the lack of proper understanding of the responsibilities of married life, and if there is a lack or psychological disorder in one of the parties, then it will inevitably lead to a state of restlessness and psychological instability, which leads to repetition of the experience.

Seek the help of a psychiatrist

Consultant Ashmakh believes that if a person suffers from psychological disorders or personal difficulties that he has not resolved, he can easily repeat the mistake and fail in the new marriage experience. Before marriage, it is wise for a person to have complete knowledge of himself, his strengths and weaknesses, the difficulties and challenges he may face, his psychological and social needs, his goals for marriage and to what extent they are compatible with the goals of the other party. is not treated, and there is no harm even when there are no psychological problems, consulting with an expert in marital relations so that the vision is clear, objective and far from emotional rapture.

She concluded the speech by saying: In my opinion, even if two people meet during an engagement, I advise the second marriage in the decision to have children, because the first and second years of marriage allow them to get to know each other better and determine whether the marriage can continue on a positive way that guarantees a life together that will prevail Compatibility, harmony and happiness of both parties.

Get over feelings of denial, anger, and bargaining

Former professor at King Abdulaziz University and researcher of family issues, Dr. Fawzia Bashateh, believes that the social effects of divorce are numerous, the most common being social isolation from the outside world as a result of psychological stress, isolation from the outside world, and loss of self-confidence as a result of exposure to criticism , with the dispersal of families, loss of children or loss of security. The absence of role models and the creation of a hateful, resentful generation that seeks out behaviors that translate into its rejection and objection, such as skipping school or taking drugs.

The imbalance of values ​​is also one of the social effects that occurs as a result of the increase in the phenomenon of divorce in society, especially for the values ​​that society tries to inculcate in the consciousness and behavior of its members, such as interdependence, compassion, cooperation and tolerance.

Bashtah added that when asked about the time frame for dealing with the consequences of divorce in order to embrace a new life, the question does not have a fixed rule, because some believe that a quick attachment can reduce the feeling of failure according to scientific studies of some researchers, and some see the opposite, but psychologists advise that a person should not enter into a new relationship before 3 months of separation, before remarriage, immediately after divorce, in order to overcome feelings of denial, anger, negotiation, depression and acceptance. The arrangement of which varies from person to person, but what is important in the end is that the feelings towards the ex-partner are equal, neither love nor hatred nor hate, and that there is an acceptance of the experience he went through, and not with regret, hatred or regret, but rather an acceptance of God’s will for what happened to him, and acknowledges his partial responsibility in his final path. Regarding the repeated experience of divorce, Bashtah indicated that, from her point of view, which is based on real observations, the answer is yes in the case of the second experience based on the continuity of the comparison between the two experiences, while in many cases the success of the second experience usually depends on a matter of life or death to avoid social guilt You see a couple giving more, trying to adapt to a new life and ignoring many problems.

Divorced women tell their experiences for “Okaz”

And about the reason for which she resorted to divorce, one of them says that her ex-husband suffered from a bad quality, which is a lie in all aspects of life. She says: I tried very hard to change this trait, which is now reflected in all his life affairs, not to mention that he transferred all the secrets of our married life to his family home, apart from exploiting me financially, so she resorted to filing for divorce, especially since there are no children to bear the consequences of the divorce.

As for Nahla, she says: After 5 years of marriage, her husband was forced to leave the job he was doing under the pretext of looking for another job to improve his financial income, after which she discovered that he was not serious about looking for a job based on her financial income, which made it unbearable for her to live with a man who did not work. She could not bear all the financial consequences, especially since she had a child, so rumors began to spread around her that her husband was unemployed and dependent on her.

For her part, Samar tells her story, saying: Two years after the wedding, her husband started begging her to move to live with his family, and she just refused; Since living in a family home creates many problems and all parties interfere, eventually I agreed to his request and moved into his family home, and in the end a divorce occurred as a result of his family’s interference in all the details of their lives.

I hate halal.. but!

Psychological and social consultant Dr. Fawzia Ashmakh says that divorce is the most hated by God, and sometimes divorce is the best solution to eliminate negative psychological consequences on both sides, especially if there is no consensus on the personal, social and cultural level regarding the negative effects on both sides, which are relative and depend on the circumstances of the parties. When problems arise, especially in the early years, and if it is not possible to reach an objective agreement between the two parties, then it is better to separate. If the divorce is based on objective and logical reasons, it is more likely that it will not negatively affect the two parties. This is one of the factors that must be taken into account when deciding on divorce and studying its consequences.

Fawzia Ashmakh believes that as long as the decision to break up is based on realistic and real reasons, the two parties can get through the phase well. Because divorce should be the solution to the problem, not the beginning of the problem.