You will find him adorable only in front of others.. 9 Signs Your Husband is a Narcissist | Lifestyle
After marriage, narcissists often isolate their spouses from their friends through a slow, methodical process.
“Connecting with a narcissist is not always a picnic,” says educational consultant Susan Degges-White. Despite the spread of the term “narcissism” and its frequent use on social media in recent days, the problem remains that the signs of narcissism are sometimes not readily apparent.
Indeed, many traits of narcissism only become more apparent once you’re in a relationship with an egocentric narcissist, says Ramani Durvasula, author of Should I Stay or Go? How to survive a relationship with a narcissist?
Most of the signs can be so subtle that they make you doubt yourself and “wonder if you’re the problem or if it’s him.” Instead, ironically, some of the characteristics that attracted you to your partner, such as elegance, confidence, and strength of character, may actually be the very ones that fuel his narcissism.
To find out if your partner is a narcissist, you need to check out these signs developed by experts.
Rhythm in the network of isolation
“After marriage, narcissists often isolate their spouses from their friends through a slow, methodical process,” says American psychologist Dr. Christina Dorazio.
As soon as your life changes with marriage and children, you find yourself drawn into drifting away from your close friends in a process that starts with a bunch of arguments about how you don’t like each other and ends with you questioning why you were friends with them in the first place.
“I’ve never seen a narcissistic marriage unless it was a victim of manipulation,” says Dr. Ramani Durvasula, through questions and phrases aimed at questioning your reality, memory, or self-perception, such as “Why are you so nervous? Or why don’t jokes make you laugh? Or are you a prisoner of the past?” or paranoid.”
Shine in front of others
dr. Dorazio talks about the narcissist’s desire to “nurture your insecurities.” He showers you with compliments before marriage, but his behavior changes quickly after marriage and “is content with flattery only in front of others”.
Dorazio explains this behavior by “making sure the narcissist looks like a wonderful husband in front of people, while keeping you out of the way if you want to complain about him later.”
Also, “the moment the compliments he lavished on you fade, he starts showering them on those around you, to deepen your insecurities.”
It suggests jealousy
A narcissist’s exaggeration in praising others, talking about them with fascination, or indulging in flirting in front of you “is not spontaneous behavior or an innocent act,” according to a 2017 report, but “a strategic move designed to make you feel jealous as well as fuel your insecurities .” Researchers note that “narcissists do this to gain control and boost their self-esteem.”
Obsession with children or jealousy of their care
“Narcissistic couples may resent the time you spend caring for the children, insisting that you focus more on them than the child,” Dr. Digges White tells us.
On the other hand, some narcissists focus too much on their children “and pretend that these children are an extension of themselves”, so they become preoccupied with the child, leaving you on the sidelines of the family.
Because “blaming others is a very common narcissistic behavior,” according to research, “narcissists often blame their children’s misbehavior on their wives’ lack of mothering skills,” says Dr. Dorazio, adding that “narcissists often use their lives as an excuse to abandon their caregiving responsibilities about children.”
“Narcissists are self-willed and lack empathy,” and then always resort to complaining to their loved ones. “A narcissist is in a hurry to talk to your family and friends about your complaint, before you have a chance to start clarifying your position,” says Dr. Dorazio, who justifies it by that he is a “narcissist” He takes stress out of himself” by complaining.
Deactivating “love bombs”
“After you have won marriage, there is no more need to flirt with you by throwing love bombs,” says Dr. Dorazio. I can return.” But only when your husband wants something valuable from you.
He is proud of his narcissism
A survey of more than 2,200 people found that “narcissists are almost proud of their narcissism, even if it means selfishness, self-centeredness and frivolity, and one of them does not hesitate to say, ‘I am a narcissist.'”
Narcissists typically don’t see their behavior as a problem, but instead “feel perfectly fine that other people have problems,” notes Dr. Susan White.
How to deal with a narcissist with whom we are connected?
“Being with a narcissist doesn’t mean there’s no hope,” Susan White tells us, offering advice on how to “swim those treacherous waters.”
- Intelligence in his argument: Because the narcissist sees that he cannot make a mistake, so arguing with him is almost impossible. “It’s smart to convince him that he’s the source of what needs to be done, or that the brilliant idea to solve the problem was his,” advises Dr. White.
- Ignore his insults: Insults are bait that a narcissist wants you to swallow and interact with, to engage in an argument, but if you manage to miss the opportunity, he won’t be able to.
- Look back at the reasons why you chose him as your life partner: It is important to think about the “unconscious reasons” that led to the relationship with the narcissist, because understanding the motives for this helps to find a solution.
- Revitalize your relationships: Reach out to friends and family and anyone who can support you “if you notice that your life is becoming full of broken relationships,” recommends Dr. Dorazio.