Escape from misery

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In the life of each of us, special relationships are important, such as love, marriage, friendship and work, and these relationships represent for us a “lifeboat” or a bridge of hope to cross from the bottom of loneliness, alienation, confusion and sadness. , to belonging, participation, fulfillment and a sense of happiness. Nevertheless, these relationships can sometimes turn into a source of trouble for us, as some of us can be adept at creating trouble, with insinuations, references, remarks and mild, malicious insults that alternate between seriousness and humor, i.e. making life miserable for the other party. with great skill, without fuss and noise.

There are rare books that invade our private lives, try to comfort us and ease our pain, and guide us to a safe way out of the world of trouble, and for this when I got the book “Sadness and violence of delinquency” in everyday life” Marie- France Hirigoyen, I decided to share with you the pleasure of his information, which is a French doctor specializing in the treatment of victims of distress, and she tells us her experiences with them, it may be useful to avoid falling into the trap of these people who are good at bullying and wear masks lover or caregiver, exploiting our love for them, our need for them, our trust in them, and our ability to tolerate and tolerate them.

Before we begin, we must know that all of us, without exception, can practice the art of belittling life against our loved ones, but this practice is temporary and transient, and in certain circumstances of rage and revolution, and never assumes the character of permanence, repetition and temporal convergence , otherwise we would be deviants who strive to break and tear down.

A marriage relationship may not be without some troubles, but a narcissistic husband is a source of terrifying trouble, because he pushes his life partner into a murky situation full of doubt and uncertainty, allowing him to keep her away from him, not allowing her to enter his world, putting her on disposal whenever he wants. This is about continuing to attack and belittle her in a stereotypical way, while she tolerates him in all his actions, as a kind of loyalty and family integrity, or as a repetition of the experience that happened in her family when she was bride.

And many husbands turn away after marriage, so he does not care for his wife, does not show her feelings of love and tenderness, mocks her in front of people, or reproaches her for spending her money to buy new clothes, and when you ask him about the reasons for his changes, carelessly answers: we will return to the same cylinder again.. and vice versa.. Or the story of a grumpy woman who blames her husband for all the “causes” of frustration in her life, even if there is a traffic crisis in the next street. As for oppression at work, it is always by authoritarian bosses, and the victims are among the subordinates who show resistance to authoritarianism and refuse to put themselves at the service of those bosses’ goals.

What is surprising in this case is not the perverse boss’s insistence on belittling his victim, but the surrounding group (employees) who accept this humiliation of their colleague, and sometimes even support such behavior, even though there is a risk of persecuting any of them. the same behavior of the boss is possible and very likely.

The first of the authoritarian president’s attack campaigns is to blame the victim for the results of the quarrel at work and the inability to adapt to the circumstances in which he finds himself.

Sometimes anger arises from the presence of a man in a group of women, or a woman in a group of men, or racial, religious or social discrimination. And in other cases, the industry of trouble stems from envy and the desire to obsess over a victim who enjoys beauty, youth, wealth or unique skills, such as an old manager hunting a young man who recently graduated with academic degrees that this manager did not receive , or a bad-tempered manager stalks an employee who has an elegant and refined sense of choice.

In general, regardless of the type of anger, how do you deal with it?

Certainly, it is difficult to escape from a deviant person, and the alternative is to gain new self-knowledge that protects victims of bullying from falling into the jaws of mental or physical illnesses. Acquiring knowledge is the most important line of self-defense, and the first step is to notice the behavior of the “grantor” who tries to hold us responsible for any disagreements in the family or at work, and then calmly analyze that behavior. and calm, in order to avoid feeling guilty or exhausted by the troubles of failed relationships that we did not cause. In his failure, and most importantly, for the victim not to be part of the perpetrator’s game, or else to veer into a series of maneuvers that he imagines could protect him, that is what the grumpy creator is looking for.

The real victory is not allowing this deviant to make our lives miserable, by working to thwart the aggressive methods he resorts to, as well as by seeking help from a trusted person, or by the intervention of the judiciary and the law. A person who is exposed to psychological aggression must write down and record every form of provocation.

God, protect us from trouble and trouble against us.

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