Why do we cling to harmful people? Illuminations
I had a friend who loved dealing with harmful people and chose them with high professionalism, and she chose her age companion to be also a harmful person, and strangely enough, he treated her badly, and she preferred to stay anyway with him and continue this psychologically destructive relationship for her, and when he left her she was very sad and wanted to return to that relationship again, which she did!
What is the psychological explanation for this condition, which is not rare, but very widespread? We also have to answer an important question: Why do we cling to harmful people? And what is the best way to deal with them?
Types of harmful people
A relationship with a person who abuses you is constantly destructive, completely unhealthy and will cause you many problems. Therefore, you need to know the types of harmful people you may encounter in your life; To determine the best way to deal with them and protect yourself from their harm, their types include the following:
1. Narcissistic personality
You will find that a narcissistic person is always stubborn, never listens to you and constantly interrupts you. He likes to talk about himself, but he likes to listen only to himself. because he believes he is second to none; So they won’t make you talk, they will rarely ask you about something and then they won’t make you answer, they will interrupt you or they won’t wait for your answer, they are selfish.
2. Dramatic personality
Maybe one day you will come across a dramatic person who likes to grieve and constantly lives in the role of a victim, wants your sympathy and support, but will not ask for advice or how to change the current situation for the better. He also does not try to initiate changes or fix bad things himself, he prefers the role of the victim ; Because it gives him importance in life, and without it he does not get attention and is not important.
3. A character who is always right
This person believes that he is always right and that he is never wrong, and he does not care about the opinion or ideas of others, but his opinion and opinion are the most important. Because he thinks he is the smartest and that his opinions are an undeniable truth that cannot be denied or mistaken. He’s arrogant and always tries to win every conversation, as if it’s a battle, so either you win it or you will!
4. A hateful, judgmental personality
Inside these people there is a huge amount of envy and hatred towards others. Their hearts are full of hatred, even hatred towards themselves. They do not feel happy towards others. Instead of congratulating them on their success, they express their hatred and envy by vetoing, gossiping and psychological by destroying others. They see them as unworthy of success or a decent life. They hate them.
5. The personality of a liar
Maybe you won’t feel someone’s lie, because some people don’t know how to distinguish a liar from a truthful one, but by continuously dealing with people, a natural lie detector can grow in you, and sometimes you discover their lies yourself through situations, and it is desirable to stay away from these people; Because you can’t trust them, and without trust, relationships fall apart.
6. Own personality
These people want to control everything and everyone, because the boss sees that he is responsible for your life, your decisions and everything, and you have to listen and obey his decisions and his unjustified domination in every small and big thing in your life, and his domination he can reach your thoughts and is not limited to your actions, he panics if you object to his opinion, then he will try desperately to force you to his opinion, and he will leave you when you agree with his opinion, thereby destroying your intellectual freedom and your mental and emotional health.
7. A soul-sucking character
This character’s name is taken from a vampire, as it sucks your soul and vitality instead of sucking your blood; Because this person lives absorbing your positivity, he is constantly negative, sad and pessimistic, this is not just a period and it will pass and he will return to normal, because he does not see anything positive, and he has a pessimistic attitude that he transmits to you until you transform and you become like him.
How do you know you are dealing with a person who abuses you?
An abuser is a person who causes you many troubles, damages and psychological pressures in your life, and he can turn to you when he needs psychological and emotional support, but if you need him, you will not find him, because he is selfish by nature.
If you notice any of these things in your social or emotional relationship, know that you are dealing with an abusive person, and here are some tell-tale signs, including the following:
- You feel constantly disturbed and confused by this person’s actions.
- You should always stand up for yourself, even if you are not accused.
- You feel like a bad person when you are around him.
- You keep feeling like he should apologize, but he never does.
- You feel that he is manipulating you and forcing you to do things you don’t want to do.
- You don’t feel comfortable with him, and your self-confidence may decrease while you’re with him.
Why do we cling to harmful people?
There is more than one reason why some people get attached to an abuser, and most of them come down to the impression the person had of himself and of himself when he was young. He may believe that he is not worthy of love and good treatment. Since he grew up and was brought up in the wrong way, which instilled in him negative thoughts about himself, he started looking for someone who would complete that path of negative thoughts and attitudes, confirm them and bring him the feelings he felt before.
In other cases, a person looks for a stereotypical image of a father or mother in his life partner, even if the parents are psychologically harmful to him. To circle the inner feeling that he had, that he always felt with them, of being mistreated, that turned into a natural and logical thing for this person.
Regarding the desire of some individuals to go back and repeat the emotional tragedy with a harmful person, even if they grew up in a normal and psychologically normal environment, the reason may be in their strong psychological desire to make the relationship work and try again to prove that they failed, but the truth is that this relationship is doomed, and it’s best to end it for their psychological well-being.
Why am I still dealing with hurt people?
A person chooses to involuntarily deal with harmful people against his will, he feels in his heart that he deserves that person, so he seeks them out in order to identify with them.
You may find, dear reader, that it is normal for a person who has suffered a lot from dealing with harmful people in his life as a family member such as father, mother or brother, and sometimes friends, to choose a psychologically normal and harmless person to be with. should be worn; In order not to inflict double psychological damage on him, but the truth is that he himself chooses who will harm him and he is convinced of this through his subconscious; Because he thinks he deserves it.
A child is used to frustrating and discouraging treatment from childhood, and has grown up with the basic idea instilled in his mind, that failure is and that everything he does will be doomed to collapse and failure, and of course he will choose friends or a spouse who reinforce this idea; Because he thinks he is a failure, he will never be able to succeed and all his decisions are wrong.
The girl grew up in a family that reinforced the idea of her weakness and helplessness, and that she does not have her own opinion, and therefore she will grow up internally convinced of these ideas, and she will choose the person who will repeat these negative thoughts in her ears, and chose would have an authoritarian personality.
How to deal with an abusive person
Dealing with harmful people is very difficult, but sometimes the surrounding circumstances force you to deal with them, maybe it’s your boss, a work colleague or a relative you can’t get rid of and with whom you’re breaking up, so here are some tips that can help you deal with them.
Create your own boundaries!
Abusers cross personal boundaries without regard for their own importance or the feelings of others; Therefore, you must set boundaries that they cannot cross and calmly inform them that you do not accept any mental or physical harm and try to shorten the time you stay with them as much as possible so as not to harm them.
Do not respond to their influence!
Sometimes the abuser complains about you and your actions when you hurt them, so don’t respond in these twisted ways of emotionally blackmailing and negatively affecting you.
Pay attention to your feelings with them
The abuser changes your thoughts and feelings about yourself. So try to find out how much they affect you and how it happens; Because by becoming aware of this influence, you will be able to easily reduce it and gradually get rid of it, as well as become aware of the extent of their negativity on your whole life.
Talk to them about their actions
This point may not have much effect on the change of the harmful person, because it will remain the same and not change, but it will help you to take decisive steps with this character later and warn the harmful person by nature and that he must change himself or at least in the way treats you, otherwise you won’t deal with him.
Put yourself first
If you are sure that you are dealing with a harmful person, do not make a candle for him to burn and do not sacrifice yourself and your psyche. Because everything you do will not change anything about him, but will make him worse in his behavior, as if what you are doing is an acquired right, so take care of yourself and put it first.
We often fall into the webs of devious ways these characters manipulate and sometimes force us to do things we don’t want to, and here you have to understand what he’s doing and reject it, so learn to say “no” and then leave him and go, regardless of the consequences , and remember that your psychological comfort is the most important.
Remember that you are not delusional
The abuser tries to instill negative thoughts about us, directly and indirectly. To believe that he is normal, but that he carries our pain, so we cling to him, so don’t think that it is your fault or that you are the reason for the failure of the relationship, so don’t blame yourself or they think that you are the reason for their behavior or feelings as negative as possible.
Finally, don’t get attached to hurt people; Because it will turn you into a psychopath who cannot recover easily, and if you can get rid of them, you better get rid of them.